So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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