Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
