I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
