the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
