Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize