We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
