I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
