i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
