She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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