i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
