I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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