so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
