One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
