I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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