He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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