I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this beer tastes like vomit already
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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