I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
