Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
