we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
