ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
