My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
