wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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