I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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