Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
