My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
