I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Houston, we have a squirter
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Randomize