My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
