I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
