Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
