which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
