We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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