Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize