He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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