After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
