I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
