So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you had me at cake vodka
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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