honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
