oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
