Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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