It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
