How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
