It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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