my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
