I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Success! We fucked roommates!
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