Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
