you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
