At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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