my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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