He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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