were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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