I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
