dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
