God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
