Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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