last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
