Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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