How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why didn't you poke me back
You work out of a Hotel?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
