I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
