I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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