Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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