I CAN MOONWALK!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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