You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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