Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You pole danced in your parka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize