Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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