I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
