If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
