Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
