I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
