Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
