Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
is this the sara with the beer cane?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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