When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
