Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
