Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize