She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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