Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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