Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
