ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
