neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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