you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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