Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
