you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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