Acid is not a monday night drug
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
