I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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