I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
