found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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