Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
