Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
