he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
