If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
