Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
