next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize