I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
