my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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