i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
